From a young age, we are exposed to the idea that the more candy attached to cards with your name in a mom's handwriting you have in your sticker covered paper bag, the better. And then as we get older, anonymous 'candy grams' will be sent to you in fifth period and the feeling of only getting one from your best friend was the pits. Now, getting flowers at work is the ultimate badge of honor, unless you are me and your dad is the one who always sends them. I think it's the best, but the looks of judgement say otherwise.
Ya, you guess it. It's that time of year again ladies. The much anticipated and even more loathed Valentine's Day is here. I am sure those two words bring on two very distinct reactions.
one) butterflies, anticipation and excitement.
two) dread and loathing.
I've agreed with the cliche that most pesimistic or sarcastic women spew to their girlfriends over wine and pizza in their sweats. The movies have ruined us. Life and relationships are nothing like The Notebook. Blah blah blah. Frankly, I am bored with it. I just don't think one day should be the narrative for a relationship.
Truthfully, I fall somewhere in the middle of it all. I don't love the Hallmark holiday and I don't hate it either. I have never had a bad Valentine's Day really. In my twenty eight years, I have had what I consider three serious relationships. Number one in high school that lasted about six months and February was not included. Number two was an eight and a half year relationship that had a few great ones and a few ones that felt forced. But there was always a sense of effort. The third, is relationship number one revisited. That high school boy who was my first love and my first terrible heartbreak is now the one I love again. This particular one makes me feel a small amount of those butterflies.
The best part of Valentine's day past are the not so perfect gifts. One time, I was sent a potted plant with a lady bug sleeve made of felt wrapped around it. Another, I was given two t-shirts, one small and one large because he was unsure of my size (MEDIUM?!) The best part? One of the shirts was this.
Do you recognize it? Yup, it's form the Hills. But then again, considering the leg stands and jello shots being consumed during my life at that time, it was probably perfect with just enough room for my beer belly to fit under. These still make me laugh, they are the best part of the holiday's past.
Anyways, back to my real dilemma lies. And I use the word 'dilemma' very lightly. I like to play the cool girl role. The "I don't care about this holiday, don't worry about it". Secretly, I want it all. I have found myself feeling this need for the big romantic gestures. The candlelit dinners and amazing, over the top gifts. Maybe because I am happy in what I have, I want that movie scene to be my own. But really, does a Valentine's Day dictate it all?
I don't think so. I think the little things like a reach for your hand in a movie or the belly laughing over the stupid things is what counts. So that is where my focus has been turned to. It's not an easy task. We are in a world where comparison, envy and gloating are king. Even as I write this, I have read and re-read every sentence to make sure it doesn't sound like any of those adjectives. I believe true happiness lies within the little things. The happiness that you have in your day to day encounters. Everything else is just icing the proverbial cake. Am I perfect in my practice of these preaches? Not one single bit. But this is my new mantra. With that said, I hope your Valentine's Days are full with girlfriends, wine and laughter or the grand gestures that make your heart flutter.
Before we start the regularly scheduled program...I have to share something that caught my eye today.
During my walk to the train in the busy Downtown Crossing part of Boston, I passed a girl in her mid twenties. She was trucking through the snowy streets likely headed home. What caught my eye is she was carrying a full french baguette and without an ounce of shame, ripping pieces off and eating them on her stroll. It took everything in me not to stop and high-five her. I don't know if it was the non-discrete consumption of straight carbs or the fact that I have been starving on my current diet (read: eating healthy and not really hungry at all but just dying for some damn bread). But I want to say to baguette girl, I applaud you. Also, can you spare a soul sister a piece?
When I wake up on a Monday morning, the first thing I think to myself is "I really hope it is a super snowy day with school and work cancelled for most people except me!"Not.
However, with a mostly shutdown city comes a few perks. Some of the best? No line at Starbucks, a seat on the train and a speedy ride home. The other major plus of a snowy day? The snow gear. I am really a creature of habit during each season. I have my favorites and I usually stubbornly stick with them. With the blustery winds, wet sidewalks and chilly air I am able to slip on my favorite boots, my even more favorite (and typical blogger) blanket scarf and the coat my previously mentioned bad bought for me for Christmas. I almost love these things as much as my jorts! (For those unfamiliar with the term 'jolts', it is a loving reference to my cut-offs which are a uniform in the warmer months).
In my absence from the blogging world I have had a real struggle with what I like to call the 'perception of perfection' that is attached to it. Of course when posting to social media, most of us post the perfect moments. And why wouldn't we? Who wants to see me sitting here typing away with a mason jar of sauv blanc while watching Project Runway Junior reruns. But I think I became obsessed. I got away from what the fun of all of this is...being me.
What this has become is a collage of the best moments and none of the imperfect ones. The loving photos of you and the significant other cutely cuddling in your pristine bedroom or the perfectly filtered candid with love oozing from your pores. Not the arguments in pjs with your hair up or the mouth breathing, sweaty sleep. Or perhaps the effortlessly styled outfit where you magically decided to wear your converse to contrast the dressier blouse and lipstick that will never smudge. Or my favorite shot of your amazingly styled chic apartment. Not a mess in sight. Meanwhile, outside of the frame there is a chair piled with outfits that didn't make the cut and last nights half drank beer.
I, my friends, am the ULTIMATE offender these social media crimes. And honestly, I never plan to stop. And I ask you to please do not get me wrong. I don't judge this. In fact, I applaud it. I know how much work it takes and I truly love following along. I love me a perfect shot of feet with amazing shoes and bright colored leaves. But it had become kind of an obsession for me to keep up. When I get ready in the morning, it is never good enough. I have grand ideas for how an outfit will play out and when it all comes together and I excitedly run to the mirror...a bit of disappointment comes over me and I think:
"this is not instagram worthy."
"What would my followers think of this?"
"Will I even get more than 20 likes?"
While I will never not post the perfect shot of my over styled coffee table or my favorite #ootd... I will admit my current #ootd consists of leggings I wore yesterday, my boyfriends hooded long sleeve and a mess of ratty curls on my head. But while I sit here, I am daydreaming away of that next snap and what the outfit will consist of. And yes, of course it includes crisp while Converse and a $2,000+ leather jacket. Duh...
Sometimes, life happens and you lose your desire to continue things you once loved. Over the past year and a half, my life has turned upside down and where I am sitting at this moment is not a place I ever imagined. Since I was last posting regularly, I have moved three times, changed jobs twice, ended a relationship that was a centerpiece of this blog, broke down, got the fuck back up.
I miss this place.
Do you mind if I share somethings that happened?
I fell in love.
While no love is perfect, it is astonishing to me how I could find a person who filled the holes that had grown in me. He makes me want more for myself and for us. He challenges me in a way that I never imagined was possible. He drives me crazy. He makes me laugh harder than I ever had. He is gentle and strong. He is handsome as hell and intensely hard working. He makes me smile at just the thought of him. He literally is my person.
I got my dream job.
I finally got the balls to apply to a fancy downtown hotel I never believed would look twice at me. Well, surprise, they hired me. While it is still work, it is something I am passionate about and I am thrilled to have this challenge. I am also exhausted from it but hey, that's adult life, no?
I made a new amazing circle of friends.
I lucked into this amazing community of people that I never dreamed of knowing. They are all so different and so awesome. They have welcomed me in and made me one of their own. They are fun, intensely caring and people I plan on keeping around.
I realized existing group of friends were a fiercely loyal and loving group.
You know, it sucks that it happens this way. But when my world fell apart around me, my friends rallied and protected me. They picked me up and cheered as I stood on my own two feet. You guys are the light of my life. <3
I broke down again.
For whatever reason, the old friends, new friends, wonderful love and great job weren't enough. I was just fucking angry. I felt like I had come so far to be knocked the back down on my ass. I had started over, and it was looking extremely bright but it wasn't enough for me. It felt lonely and dark. While I don't feel 100%, I am starting to feel more positive. Hence the epic (lol...) return.
All of these things caused me to lose sight of this special place I created and the community I was part of. But now, I am settled and focused. I am anxious to bring Denim and Daydreams back to life. I am eager to bring myself 100% back to life. Not for the followers or the likes but for the outlet. I want to have my creative space back so here I am. If you are still out there, I am excited to 'see' you. I haven't stopped following you all and I hope we can connect again. I can't promise this will be the same place it was. I do promise I will be writing more. Being more honest. And of course, the lifestyle and fashion parts that are a part of me will be here. So, let's do this.
Per usual, J.Crew is on my radar this season with a pretty epic collection. I am loving the simple pieces, gold accents, graphic touches and most importantly elephants. Almost every item is drool worth and I really want to rack up that credit card bill I just paid off with all of it.Unfortunately, I seem to have found some sort of rational behavior recently, so that just won't do. Le sigh. Instead, I want to share my favorites items with you guys and live vicariously through those who can in fact splurge on themselves at the moment.